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Is being exceptional all it’s cracked up to be?

July 31st, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

Years ago, a friend of mine did a presentation called “Becoming an Exceptional Woman.” Jokingly, I would say to her that I was working on my own, slightly less ambitious, version titled “Becoming a Mediocre Man.” After all, is mediocrity really a bad thing? Is there anything wrong with just being good and not exceptional? As I explained, this was all said in jest. Her session was very good and well ahead of its time. Lately, I have been looking at several LinkedIn profiles, checking out people’s resumes, visiting personal websites, and perusing social media profiles. It is amazing the number of people that describe themselves as “exceptional leader,” “agent of change or change agent,” “extraordinary educator,” “content creator,” and one even proclaimed himself a human “Swiss Army Knife.” Lofty praise for oneself.

Perhaps the problem is me. Clearly, I am an analog person in a digital age. Growing up, nobody referred to themselves in terms like that. Exceptional or transformational were words that others might use to describe someone. Many people that I would consider truly exceptional were usually much humbler and would downplay that and say they were just doing their job or what had to be done. After all, aren’t heroes just ordinary people thrown into situations where they excelled? If you have never seen it, watch the movie Hacksaw Ridge, released in 2016. It is the true story of Desmond Doss, an Army medic in World War II, that refused to fire a weapon or kill anyone. He distinguished himself by rescuing a number of wounded soldiers on a battlefield in Okinawa. It is doubtful from what I have read about him that he would say what he did was exceptional, although others would.

Where did we, as a society, develop this fascination with being exceptional? When did being good at something become a negative concept? Yet, in so many situations we don’t celebrate excellence. For example, in youth sports, at the youngest ages, we don’t keep score. Even though the kids, or at least some of them, know exactly who won or lost and what the score was. As kids get older, we hand out participation trophies and ribbons, so everyone feels included. Some schools no longer give students grades or keep class ranks, feeling that it demoralizes some students that are not as academically gifted. How does that make those kids who work hard, do extra homework, spend time reading and not playing games, or are simply academically gifted, feel? Do they not have the right to feel special and accomplished for what they do?

There is a strange but undeniable flip side to all of this. While at some levels, we believe simply participating is enough, but at other levels, we want excellence. We make sure that in high school or college, kids are spending summers at career-oriented internships or attending pre-college summer camps with a focus on science and technology fields. Traditional Summer camps struggle to get staff since many parents believe that spending a summer helping younger kids learn, grow, and make friends will not allow their child to excel and get a high paying job out of college. Again, those summer internships at the “right” company or firm are far more desirable as their kids follow the path to success and high achievement.

Recently, during a conversation with a client, who works at a school with a very strong set of business programs, they commented that their students were very driven. In fact, they were so focused on the end goal that they often forgot to have fun. As this person put it, “they are going to look back in a few years and wish they had climbed on that mechanical bull and looked a little foolish when they had the chance.” College used to be referred to, by many, as the best four years of your life. That is not a belief that I hold, but I understand where it’s coming from. It used to be a time that was less stressful and more fun. If you lived on campus and didn’t feel like working, there was always someone that would be willing to go throw a frisbee around or take a walk around campus. Now colleges are high stress environments. At some institutions suicide or suicide attempts happen with shocking regularity. Mental health professionals, at many institutions, are overwhelmed and there is a great need for more of them on college campuses. More than a few times have I heard stories or seen a student that was distraught because they got something less than an A or slipped out of the top one or two spots in class rank. It begs the question, is being exceptional really worth it?

Looking back to the golden age of Greece and Rome, they saw life as a triangle, the three sides were mind, body, and spirit. They sought a balance of developing and participating in intellectual pursuits, sports or physical activities and a very active social life. As societies, they believed to be complete or whole you needed all 3 components. We have lost a lot of that. People leave colleges today and many are smart, talented, well-educated individuals but they can’t carry on a basic conversation or, for that matter, even make eye contact with people. For some, “activity” consists of computer-based RPG’s or excelling at Madden. Hardly what the Greeks and the Romans were shooting for.

Perhaps it is me or my upbringing, but I am really okay with good. My mother taught me that in this world, in this life, it was important to be a good person. To treat others well, and with respect and kindness. We were raised to do our best and try hard. Early on, we learned that we weren’t always going to be the best at everything and that was okay. Growing up, I tried several sports and wasn’t very good at most of them, but that didn’t stop me from trying. In all fairness, I don’t have a lot of athletic prowess, nor did I put in the hours of practice that others did too truly be excellent. One of the owners of FUN, Wayde, in his younger days, was an outstanding golfer. He didn’t just grab his clubs on Saturday or Sunday, throw them in his car, hit the links and expect to shoot par or better. Almost every night after work, weather permitting, he would go to the driving range or a field and practice. He would hit balls for hours as well as practice his putting. His wins, awards, and trophies were earned from hard work.  There are few things, if any, that I am exceptional or outstanding at, but there are a lot of things that I am good or okay at, and even more that I enjoy. Truth is, I don’t need to be exceptional to be happy and isn’t that what’s really important?

About the author

Ken Abrahams is a lousy golfer, okay photographer, and better cook. He is an individual that has learned more from his myriad of failures than from his successes. Hopefully, those that know him will say he is a decent person, good father, and warm and caring husband.

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