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Mean People Suck!

January 30th, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

Have you ever driven around and seen the bumper sticker Mean People Suck? It is one of those things that I never paid much attention to. Honestly, Captain Obvious or a 5-year-old should understand that mean people, in fact, do suck. Why do we really need that on a bumper sticker? Isn’t it something that we can, as a society, simply agree on? As the saying goes if common sense were common everybody would have it.

What is it that causes people to treat fellow human beings, sometimes family members, so horribly wrong? What joy do others get by causing pain, both physical and mental, to another person? I just don’t understand it. This behavior is exhibited at home, in public, in the workplace and worst of all, electronically. We have all seen it and many of us, me included, have been a part of it.

The first truly mean person I ever experienced was my paternal grandfather. There was an old nursery rhyme that had a line in it, “Georgie Porgie Pudding Pie kissed the girls and made them cry.” Although it wasn’t written about him, it fit Grandpa George to a T. Honestly, I don’t ever remember him smiling. Granted, we didn’t see him that much growing up but the closest thing he got to a smile was a sneer. He treated my grandmother, not as his equal or his partner, but more as a domestic servant. When he went to take his driving test as a youth, he backed over a fire hydrant and never got behind the wheel of a car again. For his entire adult life, he either walked, rode the train, or had my grandmother take him everywhere. She, on the other hand, was one of the sweetest people I ever met.

At events, we have been yelled at, sworn at, and physically threatened by attendees when they didn’t get their caricature drawn, photo taken, or personalized item made. At one event a young man around the age of 13 approached us after we had the equipment halfway broken down and asked for his picture to be taken. I politely explained that we were already packing up and unfortunately couldn’t honor his request. He looked at me and informed me, “my father can buy and sell you.” When I responded that his father couldn’t even rent me, his jaw dropped and spun on his heels and walked away. That was about 20 years ago, and I wonder what type of an adult he has grown into.

A good friend of mine has been struggling in their job lately. They have a lot on their plate, some medical issues, some family issues, and a lot of responsibility at work. They were informed recently by their immediate supervisor that their focus needed to be on their work and nothing else. Wonder if that person really thought about what they said and the impact of their words. Thankfully, I wasn’t on the receiving end of those comments because I might have responded with the title of an old Johnny Paycheck song and told them to take their job and shove it.

All of us have seen public displays of cruelty. A spouse being berated because they forgot something on the kitchen table. People making less than flattering comments about someone’s appearance or their intelligence. Growing up it was common to hear children be threatened with the belt or the strap. Those were the days when many parents operated under the philosophy of “spare the rod, spoil the child.” Over my 62 years on this earth, I know that I have not always been the kindest person. When I was younger there were kids, we picked on. One would think since I was a fat kid, and often picked on myself, that I would have been more empathetic and supportive of those that were targets but on occasion it felt good to be part of the majority.

One of the things about getting older is that, hopefully, you know who you are and what you stand for. Over the years, observing people has become something more than just a passing fancy, it is an integral part of mine, and many other peoples, jobs. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised by the behavior of people that I meet or hear about while at other times their conduct is horrifying.

Bad behavior and the way that we treat people is learned behavior. Unless there are some serious underlying medical/mental health issues that prevent an individual from feeling empathy, people are not born inherently evil or mean. Kids adapt these behaviors from watching parents, older siblings, teachers, and others that they encounter. Even when kids are toddlers and they bite another child, it is not done out of cruelty but more out of an inability to express themselves or understand what they are doing. That young man that told me his father could buy and sell me, didn’t form that idea on his own, he had to have heard or seen something similar at one point in his life.

One common factor that has been present in several of my less than stellar interactions with people has been alcohol. There is a reason the phrase “mean drunk” exists. Some people are happy, goofy drunks, while others become downright cruel. For whatever reason, the alcohol brings out that Mr. Hyde personality. They lash out and belittle people for no reason.

As you progress through 2023 remember a few things: Others are almost always watching. Children hear, see, and comprehend far more than many of us realize. It actually takes fewer facial muscles to smile than it does to frown. Being nice, or at least decent to people, is not that hard. Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Remember those words when you interact with others.

About the author

Ken Abrahams is a graduate of Connecticut College. His degree is in Sociology which is a bit harder to spell than one would think. In his Senior year in college, he did an independent study working in a prison for 2 weeks. There he ran into some truly mean people.

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