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Now What Do I say?

November 13th, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

This is the time of year that I write my annual piece on how it’s okay to wish me a Merry Christmas even though I am Jewish. No, I don’t think you are ignorant or an anti-Semite, I just think that you are wishing me well at this time of year. Peace on earth and good will towards men and all that. Many have stopped saying Merry Christmas and have replaced that with Happy Holidays, but is that also wrong? Frankly, I’m not sure.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say. More and more often I find myself saying or writing Happy Holidays, if you celebrate them. Thinking back to when our kids were growing up, there were two families that we knew who didn’t celebrate many of the “traditional” holidays we celebrate here. One of the families celebrated no holidays, including Thanksgiving. Despite my incredible curiosity, I never asked them why or if it was as a result of a religion that they practiced. It just felt as if I was prying and that seemed intrusive to me. Family number 2 were practicing Buddhists. A religion that I have some familiarity with but far from an intimate knowledge of its traditions or practices. For the record, all the members of both families were born in this country, and I believe the second family converted to Buddhism. Looking back, if I wished them a Merry Christmas or a Happy Thanksgiving was I being insensitive, ignorant, or arrogant? Would I have offended them even if that wasn’t my intention?

So now what do I do? It seems to me that people are much easier to anger, offend, or upset than they used to be. Years ago, I researched micro aggressions and found that I was a habitual offender. Often at events, during the normal course of conversation, I ask people where they are from. Apparently, this question is a micro aggression because if you are asking then you are assuming that they are not from the good old US of A. That threw me for a loop, truly. I ask this question to a significant number of the people that I interact with. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t these types of questions just conversation starters?

Perhaps my sensitivity is heightened by a bad experience this fall. While working a Family Weekend at a school, I was making small talk and asked a student a pretty innocuous question along the lines of where do you live or what are you studying? It wasn’t a particularly personal question, in my opinion. Next thing I know she is careening backwards, luckily right into a chair. She slumps down and her father begins fanning her as she hyperventilates. Someone else rushes to get her a bottle of water and from the conversation it is made clear that she is having a full-blown panic attack. After a few minutes the family picks up their Street Signs, thanks us, and walks away. I didn’t say anything but several of the next folks in line made comments about how strange the whole thing was.

Now, we are weeks away from Thanksgiving and what, if anything, am I supposed to say? Years ago, I wished everyone Happy Thanksgiving or Happy Turkey Day. One of the things that I love about the 4th Thursday in November is that pretty much everyone I knew celebrated it. Jews, Christians, people born in this country, and people that were born all over the world. It was great to hear the different ways that people celebrated the day, what they did, what was on the table to eat, who they celebrated with, even what time they ate. For us, it was a time to celebrate family, friends, and good food. Now, I am second guessing all of that. Is it wrong to celebrate the bounty of the season and our good fortune while there are so many less fortunate than we? No, I am neither being sarcastic or snarky but asking a real question. Recently, on a local radio station they interviewed a woman that, with just her family, delivers over seven thousand Thanksgiving meals to those in need. Some are fully cooked while others are a full meal in a box that families can cook themselves. Seven thousand is a high number and I am sure it is a fraction of the people in the area that are in need. What makes it even more incredible is that this family has seven kids and both parents work.

Based on so many conversations now around diversity, equity, and inclusion and November being Native American Heritage month, is wishing someone a Happy Thanksgiving going to lead to an argument over white privilege or the horrific treatment of Native Americans throughout history? Is talking to someone about the festive meals in November and December going to anger a Vegan or cause a PETA supporter to blow a fuse? I truly don’t know what to say or not say anymore.

Is it better to walk down the street with my hands in my pockets and my head down and while at jobs keep the conversation as plain vanilla as I can? At 63 years of age, I have made a lot of changes and tried to embrace the new social norms, but I am struggling with this. Although I am not the warmest or most gregarious person you will ever meet, I do love the holidays. People are generally in a better mood. Work often slows down and co-workers get a chance to enjoy one another’s company. Many people have a spring in their step and on occasion you can hear people humming or even softly singing Christmas Carols. I am a person that believes it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. So, let me put this out there, if I wish you a Happy Holidays or a Merry Christmas and I offend or upset you, please accept my apology. It is a wonderful time of the year as we bid adieu to one year and welcome in another. January brings days that are starting to lengthen with the promise of warmer months ahead and the new year is a time when we can all start fresh. Old friendships can be rekindled, past mistakes can be righted. It is a wonderful time of the year. This is a risk, but I wish all of you a wonderful Holiday season and a fantastic Winter Solstice.

 About the author

Ken Abrahams loves this time of year. Never having celebrated Christmas as a kid, he has made up for lost time and has acquired a ridiculous number of Christmas ties and socks that match. For more than 40 years, he has suited up to play Santa. He truly believes that the world would be a better place if everyone could see the wonder, amazement, and pure joy on the face of a child that still believes and is about to sit on Santa’s lap and discuss what they want for Christmas. Sometimes, they are so awestruck they simply look at you, unable to speak. That is the true joy of the season.

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