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Where Did We Go Wrong … or Did We?

October 16th, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

Growing up in the 1960’s and 70’s was so different from the way things are in 2023. Despite the advantages of today’s technology, it is a time I wish many of the kids today could go back to. Perhaps it is just me growing old and sentimental, but it seemed much simpler when I was a kid. There were no organized play dates, we came home from school dropped our books, ran outside, and found our friends. Rules, for those games, were something that we created and there were no adults around to officiate. In our house, television viewing was very strictly regulated. On weekdays and weeknights there was no TV other than special events. For example, I got to watch the first landing and walk on the moon. Keep in mind that we had a lot fewer channels and other than some children’s programming on PBS, Captain Kangaroo, and Saturday morning cartoons there was nothing. Certainly, nothing like Nickelodeon or cartoon network.

There are aspects of life back then that some, if not an overwhelming majority, would find barbaric at worst and distasteful in the best light. It was an era of “spare the rod, spoil the child.” Schools had the same rights as parents, it is called “in loco parentis” or “in place of the parents.” As such, they also were afforded the ability to punish students for misbehaving and that punishment included paddling. In case you were wondering, yes it happened to me, more than once. No, it wasn’t fun and yes, I remember it vividly. As I said it was a time that some today would feel was barbaric. My mother had a saying that we heard often “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” Today, that philosophy is long gone and hard to find. Her belief was that words and names only had power over us if we allowed them to do so. We were only to worry if the situation escalated into a physical altercation.

Were we on the right track back then? It is a question that I have raised repeatedly over the last 5 to 10 years. Parenting today is very different, we talk a lot about micro aggressions, ADHD and ADD. More and more kids seem to be in therapy and on medications than there were in my day. Recently, I had this conversation with an individual that does presentations on empowerment, self-awareness, and mental health. They took the position that we are far healthier, mentally, today than we were in my childhood. Their contention was that back then more people self-medicated with alcohol instead of discussing their issues and seeking help or treatment. It is an interesting theory but one that I can’t subscribe to and one the facts don’t bear out. Yes, there may be less alcoholics in the world, but it is hard to argue that there are less people self-medicating today. Growing up there weren’t thousands of people dying every year from opioid overdoses. Police didn’t need to carry Narcan. In fact, I don’t think Narcan even existed. In the area I live in there are at least 5 Cannabis dispensaries, if not more, within a 3-mile radius of our house. Not that I go to them, but they always seem to have traffic and no lack of customers. It is hard to say that people today are facing their problems and not hiding behind a veil of alcohol.

It was a much simpler time back then, I’m not saying that it was better in all ways, just it was simpler. Today, things are far more complex than back in the 60’s and 70’s. There are a lot of advantages today. People in more states can love and marry who they want. Many of us don’t view mixed race or mixed religion couples as wrong or an affront to society. Not everyone, but a significant number of us, believe that it is more important to allow loving parents to adopt kids regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity as opposed to reserving that right for heterosexual parents only. Today, people also need to navigate the world of gender fluidity. We are still trying to understand how to teach that and other changing social norms to young children, not an easy task for some. We need to be more careful when speaking as we are keenly aware that what we say may trigger a very negative reaction and cause unintended harm.

Today, we have so many things that I believe are negatively impacting the health of our youth, both mentally and physically. Again, there are many benefits to the internet and the electronic world. Facebook and other social media have allowed us to connect or stay connected to people that we have lost touch with or who have moved away. It is also a medium that allows us to see a very unrealistic view of people. For the most part people post the wonderful aspects of their lives that portray them and the life they lead in the most positive of lights. Other than people ranting and raving about the injustices of the world or a family member that has annoyed them, we don’t see their struggles or pain. Call me crazy but the fact that many of the people that invented social media or profit from it, won’t let their kids have accounts on their platforms leaves me feeling uneasy. People breaking up with their significant other over text or by simply changing their status on social media to single is just heartless. Kids either rushing home to play video games or being so over scheduled that they barely have time to eat, sleep, do homework or connect with friends also gives me pause as to whether we are on the right track.

Things growing up weren’t perfect. There was bullying, but it was face to face. I have been in one fight in my life and that was protecting a younger kid in our neighborhood from being picked on by a bigger, older kid. It is hard to say whether I won the fight or lost it, but the bullying stopped. Sadly, my kids have had to attend funerals of several classmates or friends who committed suicide, something I never had to do when I was in high school. As the title of the blog asks when or where did we go wrong or did we? Are all those technological or social advances a plus or a minus? Those are questions I simply don’t have the answers to and I’m not sure anyone else does either. What I do know is that it is more important than ever to let those closest to us know how we feel.

About the Author

Ken Abrahams was born in South Bend Indiana in April of 1960. He has 2 sisters and a brother. He is the proud father of 2 sons and is lucky to be married to a wonderful wife for almost 36 years.

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