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Exclusion is exclusion, even if you don’t agree with someone’s ideals and principles.

April 10th, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

Talking about diversity, equity, and inclusion or DEI can be like standing on a hilltop during a thunderstorm holding on to a lightning rod, especially if you are espousing a viewpoint that maybe unpopular. Before you jump to conclusions, I am in full support of a more just, inclusive, diverse, and equitable country and world. Pick up a newspaper, watch the news, listen to the radio, or simply observe what is going on in your own city, town, community, or neighborhood; there is no shortage of stories about violence against minorities, hate crimes involving members of the gay and transgender communities, acts of antisemitism, and threats against others who look or believe differently. It is shameful. We are possibly more aware of the inequality and hate, than we were years ago, but that is precious little comfort for those that are being persecuted. In some respects, I would argue that we are in worse shape than we have ever been regarding inclusivity.

Growing up in my house was a daily civics lesson. My mother was a social justice warrior, long before the phrase was being used and well before it was a fashionable trend. She led by example, not words. She was a special education teacher before students with intellectual challenges were put into the mainstream educational system. Her teaching career began in Harlem, New York back in the 50’s, when it was a very poor neighborhood. A petite, Jewish, white woman was absolutely in the minority. Her family was uncomfortable with her teaching there, but she knew that they needed special education teachers, so that was where she went. When we asked her about it years later, she said it was a great job and she learned a lot. As a child we often heard my mother chastise her parents and others for using derogatory ethnic or religious terms. Trust me the R word was never ever used when discussing those with intellectual disabilities. We participated in walks and rides to raise money and awareness for a variety of causes. Her friend group always included a wide range of people from different backgrounds, countries, religions, and socio-economic groups. She always saw people not labels.

There are two very specific incidents or events that I remember from my childhood. In the late 1970’s, a Neo-Nazi group wanted to march in Skokie, Illinois, a city outside of Chicago with an estimated population of around 7,000 Holocaust survivors. It brought national, if not international, attention to the area. Not only did I grow up in South Bend, Indiana, about 100 miles away from Chicago, but we had cousins that lived outside of Chicago at the time. As painful as it was for her to watch what was taking place, she acknowledged that the Nazi’s had the right to march there. Many disagreed with her but, to her, stifling one groups freedom of speech rights had the possibility of impacting all our rights to express ourselves. Despite living across from a community pool, my father wanted to join the local Elks. He liked the trappings of success and joining a club like that, in those days, was something of a status symbol. There was a family that also belonged to the Elks. Both the husband and wife were white, but they had adopted several children of color. One day, we were at the pool when that family showed up. They were told that their kids couldn’t go into the pool, and they were asked to leave. We witnessed the exchange and the next thing I knew my mother was packing up our stuff and we left the Elks, never to return. Although I don’t recall, I would be surprised if my mom didn’t make her feelings known to the powers that be at the Elk’s.

Where I struggle with DEI is how it is viewed and applied today. If our goal as a society is to be truly inclusive, then we must open our arms and our discussions to a lot more people. Perhaps I am wrong, but it seems that many organizations, and individuals, are only truly welcoming to individuals that are like minded. We tend to label and ostracize those with a different view than our own. As a society, it is getting harder and harder to have intelligent discussions with those we disagree with. This is troubling. Shouldn’t we be able to have a discussion, disagree and still be friends? In 2022, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts had a question on the ballot asking voters if they approved of undocumented citizens being allowed to apply for a Massachusetts driver’s license. As you can imagine, it sparked a lot of debate. Proponents pointed out that it would make the streets safer; they would need to pass the same tests everyone else did and they would be able to get insurance, something that you can’t attain without a license. Opponents argued that it would lead to increased welfare fraud, and it would make it easier for undocumented individuals to vote. While driving with a friend of mine, on the way to the golf course, we saw a sign encouraging folks to vote yes on the question. My friend asked how I felt about the initiative. Even though I knew we were on different sides of this issue, I answered honestly, which led to a lively discussion. Yes, we were on different sides and despite an active debate neither of us changed our mind, but we still had a fun and enjoyable round of golf and a pleasant ride home. Often, we are on different sides of the political spectrum, but he is a friend and will remain so.

Far too often I hear people say they can’t discuss a topic or be friends with someone because of their beliefs or their stance on an issue. Yet, those same people will raise the DEI banner. Is that really being inclusive? If we want to shut out those with a different perspective or a contrary point of view, how can we ever be truly equitable and diverse? Do I agree that everyone is treated equally? Absolutely not. Do I agree that everyone is treated fairly? Not even close. Do I believe that there are individuals and groups that are unjustly targeted and need our protection? That is a resounding yes. How can you have the bigger conversations about diversity, equity, and inclusion if we can’t even agree to let everyone at the table to begin the conversation? For too many of us, those with an opinion that is different than ours are spewing hate speech. Hate speech shouldn’t be tolerated, but not everyone whose opinion differs from yours is an intolerant bigot.

It won’t be soon, but perhaps one day we will have a world that my mother hoped for. A world where people are judge by the strength of their character along with their actions and not by the color of their skin, where they were born, their sex or gender, who they choose to love, or where they go to worship. Maybe, in my lifetime we will all at least be able to broaden the definition of diversity, equity, and inclusion.

About the author:

Ken Abrahams is a 62-year-old white male. He is very aware that as such he has been given rights, privileges, and opportunities that others, even in his hometown of South Bend Indiana or his adopted hometown of Natick MA never were given and aren’t being given today. This blog is intended to get people to think and to start conversations. If you have a comment, concern, question, or criticism please contact him at [email protected].

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