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New Traditions

January 2nd, 2023 by Kenneth Abrahams

It started as a simple question during a recent staff meeting. “What is the thing about Thanksgiving that you like the least?” Several people responded the cooking and the turkey. A few in our group were even “going rogue” and not doing turkey or ham at all. No stuffing, no cranberry sauce, no mashed potatoes, no pumpkin pie, none of the traditional foods we associate with that 4th Thursday in November feast. They were going to make Italian food. How could they? Wouldn’t this cause the earth to start spinning at a funky angle? How could they possibly simply throw out these centuries’ old traditions and foods?

It got me thinking about my own Thanksgiving. For years, after my mom’s mother had passed away, my grandfather insisted the entire family get together for Thanksgiving. Our family was located all over the country, so every year a different branch of the family would host. It moved from New York to Dayton Ohio, to South Bend Indiana, until our family moved to Boston and then Boston replaced South Bend. This was not a one-day affair. It often started on Tuesday or Wednesday and wound down on Saturday and Sunday. There were dinners, brunches, lunches and more. At times it reminded me of Whoville and the feast with the Roast Beast. Trust me, four or five days with family is a lot. After my grandfather passed away, the tradition slowly died out. It has been many years since I have seen my cousins and their families and their families’ families. Truth be told, there is part of me that misses those celebrations.

Since that staff meeting, I have done an informal survey of clients, family members, friends, and co-workers to see how, or if, their family traditions and celebrations have changed. What I got back didn’t completely surprise me. Several people celebrated the holidays 2 or even 3 times: with Mom’s side of the family, dad’s side of the family, and with the significant other’s family. When you think about it that makes some sense. Holidays are important, with every family having their own traditions, and sometimes it is easier to keep them separate than trying to mash them all together.

It also became clear that some families were growing apart. Sadly, so many folks that I talked to had estranged family members and trying to do holidays the way they had done them for years was either not feasible or brought up painful memories. Instead of dwelling on the past, they chose to forge ahead and create new traditions. Some in the younger generations celebrated with family but also had Friendsgiving where they did a potluck style meal with a number of friends. Honestly, it sounded fun and the food pics that folks shared with me showed they put time, effort, and love into it.

Despite reports that COVID is gone, some people are still wary of the disease and scaled back the guest list. Along with that, they put in COVID protocols in terms of testing, social distancing, masking, separating guests into pods, requiring vaccines and flu shots were also on the list. It is clearly not in the past for some. Still, most of the individuals that provided me with information had some type of celebration. Different than back in 2019 but better than 2020 or 2021.

In our household, things have absolutely changed over the years. In the past, on Thanksgiving, before my mother passed away, if we were able to, we had dinner with my wife’s family in midafternoon and then went to my family’s celebration which started in late afternoon and dinner was served around 7PM. It reminded me of the Arlo Guthrie song Alice’s Restaurant. Where he talks about having several Thanksgiving’s that can’t be beat. If you have 20 minutes here is the YouTube clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM. Now we limit it to one Thanksgiving with my wife’s family but even that is changing a bit. Often my wife’s birthday is on or around Thanksgiving, so we have celebrated it in Aruba in the past. Let me confess that 80-degree weather and sitting on a beach makes it easy to forgo turkey.

Growing up in a Jewish household, Christmas was a day that parodies have been made from for years, it was in fact the movies and then Chinese food. Since I dated and married a woman that celebrates Christmas that has all changed. Christmas Eve, for her family, was always a big event. There was church in the late afternoon, followed by a huge celebration at my in laws. My mother in law’s table was overflowing with a combination of fish dishes, along with some traditional Italian and Polish dishes. There were cookies, cakes, and candies galore. We would exchange presents as a small group and then throughout the night extended family and friends would drop by. Over time, the group got smaller and smaller as people moved away or had kids and did their own thing. Now it is just family, which is not a bad thing. Much of the menu has remained unchanged and it is still something we all look forward to.

My son Sam lives in North Carolina and wanted to host my wife, other son, daughter in law and one of my sisters at his house for Christmas. It was an interesting time this year; Sam flew to our house a few days before Christmas, and on Christmas eve we went to Connecticut, and then Christmas Day we all hopped on a plane and went to North Carolina. It was wonderful to hang out and cook Christmas Dinner together.

Sometimes change is good but whether you like it or not, it is inevitable. As a family we are starting some new traditions. Yes, it is sad seeing some of the old traditions slipping away, but it is exciting to be creating some of our own family traditions as well. Who knows what next year will bring, but I am excited to find out. If, for whatever reason, you need to make a change in your family traditions, don’t be afraid of that, embrace it. One thing is for certain, it is all about spending time with loved ones. Turkey or lasagna? Who cares? It is an opportunity to get together with people you don’t get to see very often. When I was a kid, some of those big Turkey Day celebrations were painful, now I would love to have just one more of them. To get to meet and chat with some 2nd and 3rd cousins that I haven’t met or seen for a while would be great. Whatever you do (if you celebrate the holidays) have fun, enjoy the time with family and friends. Happy New Year to All!

About the Author

Ken Abrahams is the reluctant writer of many of the FUN blogs. He believes that the blog is a good way to discuss social issues, things going on in the business world, and to allow people to get to know the FUN crew a bit better. Hope you enjoy this and other blogs.

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