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If I had a Billion Dollars

August 8th, 2022 by Kenneth Abrahams

Years ago, the musical group Bare Naked Ladies released a song If I Had a Million Dollars. In it they talk about all the stuff they would buy and what they would do if they had a million dollars. Buy a house, of course, furnish the house with a nice chesterfield or an ottoman. Take a limousine to the store because it costs more. They would buy fur coats (not real ones because that is cruel), a green dress, a monkey, and they would still eat Kraft dinners, but they would get very expensive ketchup to go with it. It must have resonated with people because it made the charts in Canada, the UK and here in the US.

Recently, the stakes got raised a bit as the Mega Millions jackpot went over 1 billion dollars. Despite a 1 in 320 million chance of winning, people flocked to the store to purchase tickets for what is clearly, for most of us, “life changing money”. In offices, at grocery stores, bars, restaurants, and on cell phone conversations it was the talk of the town. Almost everyone had the same question “what would you do if you won?” It was a question I asked people over and over again and put it out on my Facebook page. How people responded was interesting.

For the most part, peoples first reaction was to take care of others. Pay off loans that their kids had or pay off or buy family members houses. Set up trust funds for kids or grand kids. For some they wanted to donate more money to religious or charitable organizations. When I posted the question on Facebook people could only give me their top three responses and very few put themselves first. Of course, a few wanted to hire a lawyer or financial advisor, there were others that wanted access to a private plane and a few that I spoke to mentioned a new house. One respondent mentioned they wanted to buy FUN Enterprises and turn it into Kane Enterprises. In case you all are wondering, the price for FUN Enterprises is well south of 1.2 billion dollars and Wayde and I would be happy to chat if the Kane’s or any other family really wants to buy it. My wife and I talked about what we would do as well but more on that later.

Over the years, I have seen TV shows and read articles about lottery winners. Believe it or not, lottery winners are 3 to 5 times more likely than non-lottery winners to declare bankruptcy. Many have found that the money changed their lives and not in a good way. For some, it led to a divorce, others incredible family strife. One winner said they wish they had torn up the ticket and never cashed it. A number of winners talked about the “vampires” that came out of the woodwork, family, and friends that all thought they too should share in the winnings. Just wondering if those same people would be there if the lottery millionaires fell on hard times and were broke. My guess is probably not. Surprisingly, few people hire financial advisors and do their best to protect all this newfound wealth.

One of the shows that I watched years ago on this very topic showed some of what people bought and I was astounded by some of the junk people wasted their money on. New homes that were decorated like a Nevada Brothel, complete with statues and leopard print rugs. Expensive cars and private jets were also on the list. Winners were interviewed and many talked about how quickly it went. Some of them sold the expensive homes that they bought at a significant loss to avoid bankruptcy. It was sad to watch. Money can’t buy happiness.

One recent article I read said that we may never know the name of the sole winner of this huge jackpot. Illinois doesn’t require the winners to be identified like other states do. We will never know if it was a group that went in together, a family, a company or other organization. If you follow the wisdom of some of those that have studied the plusses and minuses of winning these jackpots, there are a number of things you should do.

1. Hire an attorney, an accountant, and a financial advisor.
2. Stay anonymous for as long as you can.
3. Don’t take the lump sum payout
4. Don’t quit your job
5. Put a lot of the money away.
6. Spend it slowly
7. Think about your purchases before you make them

As for Jill (my wife) and I, like many others, we wanted to take care of others first. Setting up our two sons along with helping siblings, nieces and nephews with bills, student loans and other expenses. There are a number of charities that we currently support, and we would continue to do that just at a higher level. As I have said many times over the years, I have had the luxury of doing what I love for as long as I have because I work with some truly incredible people, and I would want to share the wealth with them. In light of full disclosure, we would do some very selfish things too; a house in Aruba, open the diner or BBQ shack that I have always wanted. Add a second bathroom and expand our house, put a pool in to our current house or just buy a whole new house.

It is clear that money can’t buy happiness, but it may be able to rent some. If I had a billion dollars, I’d be a mess. Like so many others, I’d be caught between making my dreams a reality and helping those that this money could really be life changing. There is something to be said for helping complete strangers put a roof over their heads, clothes on their back, and food on their tables. That would truly be a wonderful feeling. You have probably surmised that since I don’t live in Illinois, and I am still writing this blog that I didn’t win 1.2 plus billion dollars. You would, of course, be correct in assuming that I am not sitting on a king’s ransom. It is nice to fantasize.

Whoever did win the money, I wish you nothing but the best. May your story be one of success and fulfillment. May it allow you to do some good things for yourself and others. Let this be a gift for you and not a curse. Hopefully, if it changes you, it is for the better. For those of us that didn’t win, it was fun to think about.

About the Author

Ken Abrahams is a very infrequent lottery player and like many others will plunk down a few bucks when the pots are large.

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